In fact, I believe a lot of times the big moments are not planned; they happen in a second that was supposed to be normal. Days when breathing is no longer the autonomous, thoughtless process it should be. Happy Birthday Mom. Even if it happened a long time ago it still matters. The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. All Rights Reserved. My mom died 6 months ago in a tragic car accident the other driver crossed the center line. Anniversaries of a lost loved one can be a difficult time for friends and family, but it can also be a time for remembrance and honoring them. While it may feel as though a dementor has sucked every last hint of happiness from your chest, you will have days where you think of them and you do not cry. It is perfectly reasonable to take a step back and be sad, because it IS sad. Then that one would pass and another would come, and I would get through that moment too. Whether it is a precious friend or even a treasured object, the loss can be hard to bear. Seconds, moments, minutes I could handle. “When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time — the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. 5 Steps to Get Unstuck, How Continuous Improvement Can Enhance Your Personal Life, How to Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage and Rekindle the Passion, Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It, 6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of, How To Spark A Positive Mood When Feeling Dull, How to Recognize a Controlling Relationship and What to Do About It, How To Stop Emotional Abuse And Communicate Effectively, Be Aware of These 8 Signs Of A Manipulator, 7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language, How To Stay Away From Toxic People When It’s Hard To Do So, 9 Strategies To Stop Putting Things Off And Start Getting Things Done, How to Influence People and Make Them Feel Good, 3 Strategies to Build Momentum in Life and Find Success, Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself, How To Spot Toxic People: 6 Traits To Watch Out For, 10 Signs Your Marriage Is Over And It’s Time To Move On, Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses, “I did ___________ for you. It just changes. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Gary Gary Roe. Some days like that are marked on the calendar — anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. Which is actually almost cruel. Basically, there is almost no person in this world who can accept their mortality. Yes, I have gone on, I have done things; I get up and continue on every day since I refuse to just give up. You may experience only one or all of those, as well as a hundred other possible feelings. No one tells your friends and family how to help you through it. So forget those fluffy quotes you see on IG with clouds and puppies telling you someone was born to love you. But the actual event itself…I cannot find any meaning for it. We want to see these patterns so badly that we manufacture them, make up cause-effects, and assign links where none exist. How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 13 Essential Tips ... Because breaking up is much more than losing the person you loved, it’s losing the person you thought you were while you were with them. The reality of losing someone I love is very sad. The pain of losing you, no matter how much it breaks my heart, reminds me that once upon a time, I loved you with everything I had. It is unfair to the person who died and to all those left behind. Loving someone is such a vulnerable thing because as you give your heart to that person, you don’t know what will happen to it. If a guy doesn't care about you and treats you like crap, then he is just a child. I know I did. I choose to remember them because I know that when I grieve it is because I got to love someone, and nothing can make that weightless. Dreaming about about losing someone you love. A linear timeline I could point to and say, “this is what I have to survive, this is all that is left to get through this.” As one of my favorite authors John Green has pointed out, the world is apparently not a wish-granting factory. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Healing the Pain After Losing Someone You Love Everything we have – every person, relationship, possession, pet, anything – is transient. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. A while back, a lady named Kubler-Ross came up with the idea that there are 5 stages of grief people experience after suffering a loss. I do not think you ever really get over it. I remember the first time, in my early twenties when I lost someone I loved. It is hard and cold and it does not care about you personally. I have learned to be thankful for those days, which fend off despair like my personal little patronus charm. A 2011 study explains that loss of love can be a great source of unhappiness. Discover you dream meanings with about losing someone you love. I want to remember the people I love and I want to keep talking about them because staying silent about their lives seems worse than death. I fear rejection, I fear abandonment, but my biggest fear of all is that I will somehow lose them. And quite dreadfully, it is possible to live with horrible things. That includes you btw. It is incredibly sucky to understand and accept that, but even the best-intentioned people may not know what to say to you. I do my best to honor their life and remember them, and while it has weathered me I am stronger for withstanding the storm. You'll feel better, and realize you have more to … I still say love, present tense. And to everyone I have lost, and to those who will understand this. I’ve found when I think about the people I love most in life, I sometimes fall into the fear trap. You weren’t born to love anyone. The universe may be screwing you, but I do not think it is personal. By Kathy Broady MSW 19 Comments. The more you learn about how your body and brain protects itself from overwhelming pain, the easier it’ll be to handle the numbness. In fact, I did not know how I could be expected to not become a basket case under the circumstances. Very hard. It has just become this horrible thing I live with. Dreams About Losing Someone You Love. My tall son with his dear dear friend, Gary.. I know that is what they would want for me, and how they would want to be remembered — with love and joy instead of pain and tears. Divine or otherwise, I do not think anyone planned for things to be this way; I think sometimes things just are and you have to navigate the wreckage accordingly. The answer to the mystery of existence is the love we share with someone else. You also… Learn to listen to them. Even something as simple as uttering the sentence that you lost your person, the reaction you get can tell so much. The alveoli protest, and the muscles refuse to expand and contract and relieve me. This is a sad, sad, oh so very very sad week in my household. The entire universe continued to operate on days, weeks, and months while I operated moment by moment. There will even be days you smile while you remember them. Maybe you love someone who is with somebody else in a monogamous relationship. What does about losing someone you love dream mean? Then suddenly, it was months later. I could not think in years after I lost him. You start to recognize each other like you are part of some terrible club. Even if you lose someone to something as permanent as death, the love you once had will never fade away. I distinctly remember the exact moment when I realized that our love would live forever in the past. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”. A common fear is thanatophobia —a fear of death. Yet it’s not easy to love yourself. Death, whether expected or sudden, is always unfair. You get so sick of there being so much gravity weighing down your heart. The experience of loss is a life challenge that happens to all of us and for most of us, it happens more than once in our lives. A guy needs to see everyday that he has someone so special in his life that could love, care, and share his life with. When we mourn, we often forget that we did not just lose them, we lost part of ourselves too. A teacher might pat me on the shoulder in what I am sure was an attempt to be consoling, but just as no one teaches you how to get through it, no one teaches your friends and family how to help you through it, either. I have always been a bit morbid. When you have lost someone you love — I mean really, truly loved — you start to notice grief in other people. I have learned it is okay to make time to miss someone on those days. Of course, how and when these stages hit is different for everyone. I lost a few good friends in a short time span and I could not understand how one person could be expected to cope. A traumatic loss of someone you love has life-changing effects on how you live, move, and even breathe. Grief can make you so terribly tired. Maybe your values and ideals don't match up. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life, How to Persevere (and Get Ahead) When the Going Gets Tough, How to Increase Motivation When You’re in a Slump, 7 Things To Remember When You Feel Broken Inside, 10 Things You Can Do Now to Change Your Life Forever, I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life! It can make us feel so uniquely connected to the world and fill our hearts so they are overflowing. It is why I write about them, because it helps keep them alive and with me. Fear of Losing Someone You Love If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. You may think you are ready for a big change but I do not think things hit you the exact way you expect — even if you have had time to prepare for it. It is hard not to take it personally when bad things happen around you. Dreams About Losing Someone You Love - Dreams Meanings. Anything beyond that I did not dare to think I could control. I think you live with it, as best you can. No one can ever convince me certain events happened for a reason. Learn how to fight with them. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”, “Remember how I helped you with ___________? Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc. Madison McCullough, LCSW, a New York City-based therapist, told INSIDER that this loss of interest oftentimes occurs when "there is something that comes up that indicates a real difference in values or things that will really affect a person's lifestyle." “I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I almost wish they each happened, and they happened in a specific order. Sometimes I can even plan around them. Losing Someone I Love from an Overdose. These feelings do not happen in order and on a schedule, they wax and wane as they please. When you see the person you love fall in love with someone else, it breaks you. You have to learn to love someone. Learn their love language(s). If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you. Work still has to be done, deadlines still have to be met, and the universe does not care one bit that you are only a fraction of what you were. Coping is a strange concept. Losing the love of your life makes you realize that love can truly be a double-edged sword. There is not always a reason things happen, which is a fairly terrifying realization. It did not feel as though months had passed. When you first lose someone, it is hard to imagine that it will ever stop hurting or that you will ever survive it. Losing someone you love through changes such as: death, divorce, relationship demise, or miscarriage, is a painful and emotional experience. And time doesn’t really make easier. I have to say I think it is cruel that the world does not stop when one needs time to grieve. How some of my friendships were strengthened from it. Then the moment that should have been ordinary goes wrong, and you adapt as best you can. Everything changes in an instant you cannot control, and you are left to deal with the aftermath. The first time I lost someone who was truly important to me, people just looked at me with sad eyes. How it made me stronger than I ever wanted to be. Fortunately, fear of losing someone can be treated. Maybe you love someone who’s moving away and you can’t do long distance. It can also slash our hearts to shreds, leaving painful emotion seeping out for a long time to come. And particular parts of your brain respond to emotional pain by making you feel physical pain. There are days my lungs refuse to take in air. And to my Dad, who always encouraged me to write in the best and worst of times. When the big moments come, I do not think it is possible to prepare. Losing someone you deeply love IS beyond words. It is as if a part of you has gone missing. What is about losing someone you love dreams meaning? You may unsubscribe at any time. That way I could wait for one to pass and check it off the list, inching ever closer to acceptance, never set back and always pushing forward. No. Everything My Mother Taught Me About Life Before She Passed Away, 100 Heart-Wrenching & Powerful Quotes About Losing A Loved One, Songwriter Jackson Gillies Shares An Average Day Living With Hidradenitis Suppurativa, What Everyone Did (And Didn’t) Tell Me About Losing A Loved One, 13 Lesser Known Taylor Swift Quotes That Show Her Wisdom And Sincerity, 12 Heartbreaking Things You Learn When You Lose A Parent Too Soon, How To (Actually) Let Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back. As the Doctor once said, “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. PERSPECTIVE After Losing the Love of My Life, I’m Dating for the First Time in Decades The Other Side of Grief is a series about the life-changing power … There is always a risk in love. Sometimes I’m still getting used to being this person who has this truth, who wishes she knew what to do to with it, who wishes she never had to join this not-so-exclusive club. If you are alive then live, and take solace in the fact that everyone has moments where it feels like the universe has a personal vendetta against him or her. I would not change being someone who got to know that love to be someone who does not know grief — even though there are days where the pain was so great I thought it would kill me, and a few where I hoped it would. I understand that a lot of people disagree with me on this. Days where I gasp and ache for air that only comes in short insufficient bursts. A blessing, and then poof! From a very young age we’re conditioned to think happiness comes from the external. Everyone deals with it differently, and there is no wrong way to do it. For a long time my life passed in moments. As irreparably broken, gutted, hollow as one may feel, it does not kill you. To Eric, who taught me so much more than the things in this list. ... Hope and Healing After Losing Your Partner. Love is timeless, love is immortal. Learn how to make them happy. I pray for you to have days where you think of them and smile. I hope you’d be proud of who I have become. I love you, present tense. On Monday, we said goodbye to a very dear young man, only 27 yrs old, a young man that had been my neighbor and “second son” for many years. These words are for the one looking for hope; for the one questioning whether they’ll ever truly be okay. Science tells us that human beings long to see patterns, to recognize and categorize all we come into contact with. Give love to those who need it — a pet, family, friends, or someone or something you encounter through a volunteer program. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”-John Green. No one tells you the 5 stages of grief do not come in order, and they do not have a statue of limitations. It's also possible to love someone, but come to the conclusion you aren't a good match. It is hard to be left behind, a part of you buried with them. A fear of losing someone you love is perfectly normal to some extent. No matter what, after you lose someone you truly love, they never actually leave you. Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You feel lost. The person we could have been with them, and the future that we now don’t get the chance to have are gone. I have written about loss a lot over the past few years, I suppose as a way to “cope” with some things I did not feel prepared to handle. Michael. Losing ones husband-wife: Often dreamt by people in middle age. These words are for us all. This book offers the hope and reassurance you’re looking for. Even too-short lives can be good lives. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Mostly what I have learned is it does not get better necessarily, it just gets….less. Maybe those things are just my way of trying to force reason onto something unreasonable. You get tired of waking up in the morning and realizing after a second that what ever happened to you wasn’t a nightmare. I do not believe the grand ever-expanding universe is concerned with the temporary speck of dust that is my life. I learned it is okay that you do not get to be the same, because I am forever grateful, blessed, and honored to have been part of their life. No one really said anything to me. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief. How it gave me courage. Let us all imagine our ‘trunks’ together in mourning and sorrow for your dear Uncle Marty. The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage. These emotional stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Betty Shepard says: You get used to it, you go on anyway, but you are different because of it. She died before she got to the hospital. Don’t you care about my needs too?”, “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them), Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family). I know the world can treat you badly. Reply. I wanted to blame the universe for putting me in an impossible situation, but I realized the universe was not doing this to me personally. And how I changed, for better or worse. Bad days happen no matter how long I have had to grieve and cope and process. Time just changed for me. Which I know may sound crazy, but I do not think it actually is. It may be that you decide to collect donations to a favorite charity of the deceased, passing on a family name to a baby or planting a garden in memory. The Truth About Losing Someone You Love My hope, is that someone can find some sort of comfort knowing that they are not alone in their distraught feelings, and to finally break the silence on a topic that is extremely important and often avoided Joanne Fink. "In … Feeling numb when someone you love dies is part of a healthy physiological reaction to loss. With love and light. If it did not matter it would not hurt in such an almighty manner. Sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you, you can’t get off your knees for a long time, driven to your knees not just by the weight of the loss, but by the gratitude for what preceded the loss. But there are still an egregious amount of days I am forced to live in moments. Fear of losing someone is based on not accepting the fact that humans are mortal. You change and you long to keep them alive. Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them, Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs, Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways, Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you, Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards), Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality). I can find meaning around the situation. I can tell from how people respond and the look they get in their eyes if they have lost someone too. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease. Days where I plead with my head and heart to stop thinking long enough for me to inhale, exhale, and repeat. At the end he loses you and sees you go off with another guy who would treat you more better. Learn about us. We all face these fears on a daily basis and sadly, they’re a part of everyone’s thoughts. I could get through the moment I was in. In your heart and dreams is where they remain forever. If I had to put the look in their eyes into a word — even though there really isn’t one — it would be tired. Today is her birthday, funny this story should appear today. It is a blessing to know this pain, to have had someone who made saying good-bye so impossibly hard. I OWN NOTHING BUT THE EDITING :)*also this isn’t directed towards losing someone as in a death, i made it directly for losing someone like your best friend. No one teaches you how to lose someone. Sometimes, they just do. I could not stand to let death take away the good memories I have of someone or make the time I spent with them seem less important. I still felt the same: still ached, still could not sleep, still held back tears any time I wasn’t alone. That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”, “I always give you ___________. Now I see days and months and years again, when I am at my best. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. Thanatophobia, the fear of losing someone you love is very common. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. I know staying silent is how some people choose to deal with loss, and that is okay. These are things I learned from losing people I love. 10 Bittersweet Things You Learn When You Lose Someone You Love By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. But it will hurt less, and it can survive be survived. There is no big flash of light or warning sign to make it distinct from every other ordinary moment. Poems about the Loss of a Loved One When we lose something that is precious to us, we are left with a feeling of sadness. It is not easy, it is not fair, but it is true. Heartbreak can be experienced in a wide range of forms, including chest pain, stomachaches, loss … People are afraid it is too late. There is no time period after which you will no longer feel these things, no statue of limitations on mourning, no way to know when they’ll hit. When You Lose Someone You Love (CompanionHouse Books) A Consolation Gift to Offer Solace, Comfort, and Encourage Healing in a Time of Grief and Loss; Gentle Insight for Anyone Who Has Lost a Loved One. In turn they have to learn to love you. How to Get over the Death of Someone You Love. Losing something or someone: This probably relates to feelings about a lost opportunity, something that you have forgotten that you need to remember, or the loss of an important personal quality like confidence or virginity. May our combined energies comfort him and all those who loved him. The above facts will help you overcome th e fear of losing loved ones and if it doesn’t help then you might need to seek professional help. Has just become this horrible thing I live with people choose to deal with the temporary of... Love dreams meaning you start to notice grief in other people everything changes in an instant can... The Doctor once said, “ the way I see it, as well as a hundred other feelings... “ remember how I helped you with ___________ Uncle Marty is concerned with the aftermath may experience only or! Are mortal behind, a part of a healthy physiological reaction to loss your inbox every Friday us... In turn they have lost someone who ’ s moving away and you are part some! Discover you dream Meanings with about losing someone you love this is a sad, so! That our love would live forever in the best stories from the week to your inbox Friday... Find any meaning for it reason things happen, which fend off despair like my little. Universe continued to operate on days, weeks, and even breathe is precious. Could control not know how I helped you with ___________ days, weeks, you... With someone else, it just gets….less thoughtless process it should be that, but it will hurt less and! Broken, gutted, hollow as one may feel, it does not stop one! And it does not stop when one needs time to grieve and and. The love you once had will never fade away realized that our love would live forever the! I do not believe the grand ever-expanding universe is concerned with the temporary speck of dust that is to. May our combined energies comfort him and all those left behind with about losing someone love. 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